healing

For Kathy

JHF at Ute Mountain

Opening the heart

“Oh Lord,” I yelped as I came around the bend. The road was nearly blocked by half-buried rocks the size of watermelons. I hit the brakes, pulled the Dakota into low, and did the best I could climbing over big black chunks of lava from the Pleistocene. The constant pitching left and right had already [...]

Reading Angel Minds

geranium

Bitter, blessed, and hopeful

It’s been so long, I hardly know how to write. I often feel ashamed of grieving now, imagining the world has had enough of me or wondering if I’m insane. From time to time I feel all right and even hopeful. There’s a hint of some excitement in the photographs I’m taking with my iPhone [...]

Allowing Everything

Colorado Rt. 10

Catching Up With Truth

The time of greatest danger may be past. Even so, I broke down twice this morning. Not long but solid, aching face and all. I’ve learned to let it hit me like a breaker at the beach. Sometimes I get murdered as I’m walking past her English “gram’s” cherry dresser, the one we carried back [...]

Islands and Floods

baby picture

My time in the sea

[Originally published 8-2-2021 here.] The picture of Kathy as a little blonde girl comes from her studio. She kept it in a shrine-like setting like I have it now, on an old handmade table with a postcard of a naked young woman in a rustic French farmhouse. Bending over a sink, bare feet on the [...]

clouds

Every word is true

My wife who died three months ago was driving a new small silver car. I may have been there with her first and gotten out, but she was by herself at this point. I was following behind, riding in an older white Econoline van driven by a woman I’d had eyes on long ago around [...]

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