Magpie Train

sunset in Taos, NM

Just a few now but they keep on pouring in

That’s what they do every evening, the magpies of Llano Quemado, arrive in long lines at the cottonwood tree staging areas before flying up to Miranda Canyon to roost. At least that’s what they do in the summer. It’s February now, so maybe they just stay in the cottonwood trees here all night. (Those aren’t them.) I’ll never know, because no way am I going to wake up before a magpie does and stick my head outside and see. I wonder how they decide these things. Is there a head magpie? Do they use telepathy? A group mind? At least they know what to do, which you have to admit is a pretty big deal these days.

My sister-in-law and her husband in Iowa—younger than I am— know exactly where they’re going. They’ve decided to have their ashes buried in the same small-town country cemetery with her parents and a bunch of other relatives. It’s a peaceful, hilly spot—I’ve been there more than once—and I think that’s a fine thing. Wouldn’t mind it myself, especially if my honey’s there, except that I’ll be dead and past appreciating much. Besides, there’s always a responsible family member somewhere to take care of things like that. Right now, for example, my sainted mother’s ashes are in the storage unit, waiting (?) for me to bury them in Maryland. She died in April, 2012. I’m pretty sure I can find them.

So far so good, at least. And then I found out these same two folks are not only buying a burial plot, but also “planning a trip to Sigourney” (that must be where you go) to pick out their gravestone! Is this an Iowa thing? Could be an enlightened act, although you’d never pin me down like that, such a hopeless eternal boy… What if I get famous before I die and my fans expect a tomb? With benches maybe, so tourists could sit and eat their lunch. There’s a lot to think about here. Wouldn’t want to go off half-cocked.

I already have a burial plot in Maryland, by the way. More precisely, any one of several in a block my uncle purchased long ago, probably around the time his father died. There’s a vertical stone with “FARR” chiseled on it underneath some kind of pine trees where large birds with digestive problems spend a lot of time. I buried my father’s ashes there, just me with an old post-hole digger and a bottle of tequila. That’s where my mother wanted to be. (I don’t know why, they’ll just start yelling at each other.) A few steps away lie my paternal grandparents. A little ways off, my aunt and uncle. Um. You see where this is going, right?

So many futures, so little time. I’m just moving until I drop.

Johnny wants a V-8
someone needs a home
magpies tumble through the dusk
and evermore I roam

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Almost Full

moon over Talpa (Taos, NM)

Looking east (duh) at sunset

It didn’t look that small when I took the picture. (Photography is a mysterious business.) Anyway, the full moon is tomorrow. Maybe it’ll look bigger then!

It was over 60 degrees today, by the way. Dudes with sleeveless T-shirts showing off tattoos, me driving around with my window down. I didn’t build a fire all day except for first thing in the morning. Is winter over now or what? It’s really, really dry and everything is nuts. Pleasant, but insane. At this rate, I have enough firewood to last until December.

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My Aim Is True

believe me, you don’t want to know

Don’t see any of this from our end

Now, this is familiar. At least it used to be, until the neighbors moved away. Ever since, the poor old outlaw Taos septic tank can sort of work, and my presence hasn’t been required. You’re looking at the back of our house with the dead landlord’s apartment. His hat and coat are still hanging on the clothes tree, dead plants sitting in the sun. (You can see them in the window.) The man’s been gone at least six years.

The septic tank itself is what the cinder block is resting on. The crude access lid is back inside the little “closet” with the old red door. Yes, the landlord built his studio apartment right on top of the tank. Well, half of it. The tank would often overflow, black water pooling there behind the door, and I could smell it in the summer. He used to get sick a lot, which I blamed on his smoking. Do tell. All in all, however, an erudite individual with a gentle soul—who lived over a semi-open septic tank, ye gods!

I’ve told this story many times with several variations. It’s a good one and New Mexico as hell. Maybe I should say as Taos as hell. That might be more fair. At any rate, this time I thought of it in the context of housing, if I can use that strong a term. What you put up with, what you find.

Earlier today I had a useless email exchange with one of those property agents who won’t tell you where the rental actually is, which to me is like the whole damn point. I’m a writer married to a classical pianist. What are we going to do, break all the windows? Pull up the flowers? So silly. It looked like a nice place, too, if only I knew where it was.

I get this all the time. It’s almost like I go out looking for it.

[pause]

What we have here is a failure to communicate with the higher powers of the universe. I hate it when that happens.

Then the other day I remembered that I need some wheels and went to Craigslist. No boring 4X4s this time, no whiney-ass, can’t-get-out-of-its-own-way bullshit just because it’s practical, I wanted something fun. Something that would make me want to get in and go somewhere. And behold, delivered digitally to my waiting virtual arms was a late model Pontiac Firebird with a big V-8, leather upholstery, and only 79,000 miles on it! Varrroooom, squeal!

Yes, it even belonged to a little old retired couple down in Albuquerque, who were practically giving it away. It was perfect. I wanted to jump inside and drive to California.

No, of course I haven’t bought it.

But I mean, like boom, you know?

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Isolation Therapy

view from Taos, NM

Looking west from Llano Quemado (south side of Taos)

This happens to me all the time: no matter how much at home I feel at any given moment, no matter how often my heart sings with joy at being in the mountains, no matter many epiphanies or transcendental experiences I’ve had, whenever I hear of someone leaving Taos, my first reaction is almost always one of envy, however brief.

This puzzles me. So many influences and deep passions of my life lead directly here, and here I am. What a huge accomplishment! It wasn’t easy, though, and one still learns. Sometimes I think, can I go home now? Except I am home, so the “home” thing must mean something else. A dollop of complacency, a little ease? Feeling safe in my own skin?

Today I heard someone was moving back to Portland, and there was that familiar pang. This makes no sense, however. I’ve never wanted to move to Portland. Maybe it’s the thought of newness or just the change itself. Taos is so isolated—wannabes have no idea—and that’s why I picked it, but no wonder I jump on road trips like a dying man.

In the end, of course, it matters not what others do. The other day I felt like my wife and I were in our thirties and just starting out. It was the strongest damn sensation, and I rode it for a while.

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Interface

clouds and Taos Mountain

Taos Mountain (what else) up to no good with the clouds

This is what I saw—more or less—when I looked out my window on Friday afternoon. Wild earth, wild sky, and where they meet. This is where the monsters live.

In Maryland it happened where the water met the sand. Wildness wasn’t so much a factor as “relatively undisturbed.” In places along the tidal rivers, there were little sandy beaches underneath the trees or on a point beside a marsh. Each low tide revealed a strip of re-cleaned sand and sometimes little horrors or a gem. A shed crab shell, a carcass, or a perfect piece of polished driftwood. Mystery gifts and offerings every day. On my outings I collected tiny skulls, odd jokes, and flotsam that amused me. If we’d owned property on the water, I might never have moved, no matter how hot and sticky the weather or how aggravating the influx of wealthy city people, such is the attraction of this zone.

Out here the scale is massive, the sky a river of atmosphere against the mountains. Thrilling, but there’s little “comfort.” So old, so primal, lonely as the gods

This is what New Mexico has done to me. I have to seek assurance in a deeper place.

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